Normally, when John mentioned himself in what we call his gospel, he called himself “the beloved disciple,” or in some translations, “the disciple whom Jesus loved.”
Scriptures don’t clearly offer a doctrine on the issue, but I am convinced there is a direct cause/effect relationship between the fact that he knew he was much loved and the fact that he received the experiences he recorded as the Revelation of Jesus Christ. Two contrasts from this awareness of being loved by Jesus are those of Peter and Judas. Both of them betrayed Jesus.
Peter, I believe, knew to some degree that Jesus loved him, and was therefore able to receive His forgiveness for his curse-laced denial of even knowing Jesus. Judas was least conscious of the love of Jesus, and, I believe, was not capable of imagining being forgivable for his betrayal of “innocent blood.”
I suggest that the more aware you are, and subsequently the more receptive you are of the Love that Jesus has for you, the more effective you will be in your ministry. Also, the more revelation you will have with regard to the identity of Jesus, and the more understanding you will have with regard to your own identity.